What's your difference??
- Candice Underwood
- Jan 22, 2024
- 6 min read
Do you ever just feel like you were meant to do more in life?...Honestly, I feel like most people do but they're not sure where to start (and I'm no exception; I have no idea what I'm suppose to do with this life I've been given...and man is that frustrating; like, where the fuck is the manual for this thing?!?). I took to Google to help me with this next description because I feel it in my core but I wasn't sure how to describe it, but leave it to google to perfectly explain how I'm feeling AND hurt my feelings all at the same time. The word, or I guess I should say phrases, I was looking for are willful ignorance and/or willful blindness. This is the definition of both (per wiktionary): A decision in bad faith (yuck) to avoid becoming informed about something so as to avoid having to make undesirable decisions that such information might prompt.
Well...that sounds fucking terrible...I feel like a lot of the time I will avoid gaining knowledge about a particular thing/situation because it will make me want to take a more active roll in doing something to change that thing/situation which is honestly shitty to admit, but here I am admitting it (cards meet table). For instance, say I'm scrolling facebook and see this sad video about animals. Sometimes I'll watch it and I'll bawl my eyes out, but for the most part I'll just scroll past it because I don't want to see something that I know is going to make me uncomfortable and upset me. But why is this the case. Why do I feel the need to ignore the things/situations that make me sad or uncomfortable? I believe (for me personally anyway) it's because I think if I see it often enough or am put in a situation often enough I'll feel compelled to change/do something to make a difference and honestly that's what I think we're all meant to do is to make a difference...but we don't want to take the time to do it (and I am no exception). What if it takes up too much time, too much money, too much energy, what if it's too hard to deal with mentally (think of the mental toll it's taking on the person that is actually going through it). Here's the thing, and I've heard it said in many places before, it literally costs NOTHING to be kind (I'm mean unless you're paying for something; then, yes it may cost you money; but I don't advised spending money you don't have when kindness is not something you need to spend money to give) it could be a simple as opening the door for a little grangran at the store, or giving up your seat on the bus to an expectant mother, or a smile to someone who looks like they need it (I will say though, sometimes I just don't want to smile. Not because I don't want to smile at someone because I don't like them but because I simply don't want to smile.)
A lot of the time though the thought that lies in the back of my mind is "well if I did something to change *insert situation here* what is that really going to do? I'm just one person and even if I could get more people to follow along and make changes themselves why would I even assume that they'd follow me toward said change?" and in that thought lies a lot of the issue. Most everyone thinks, "well, I'm just one person I can't make a difference" but here's the thing; we are each a short story, but we're short stories that make up an entire movie and even though we may not be able to see the difference we make in the world right now (and honestly we may never get to see them) they still could make a difference and the could is all we should need to get started.
If your not convinced (and if I'm being real here, I'm also convincing myself) let me paint you a picture...
You're in the checkout line at the grocery store, having picked up a few items to help you make it through the rest of the week until you go on a full grocery run the next week. You're behind a mother and her pre-teen son. She's looking nervous as the balance increases with each item the cashier scans. As the last item is bagged the cashier rattles off a price that doesn't seem too out of reach in your opinion but her face flushes as she begins to fumble in her purse looking for money that isn't there. She apologizes and states she left the other half of the grocery money at home. Instead of making any snap judgements about her you just place your hand on her shoulder and say with a smile, "I got it, you keep your money for something else you and your son may need." She smiles, with tears in her eyes and thanks you more times than you can count as she and her kid leave. Twenty years later her child is grown and that ONE kindness you showed his mother years ago resonates so deeply within him that it lights a spark that allows him to change the world with his own kindness. He organizes a nonprofit food service to help families in need, families like his growing up. All because of the ONE kindness his mother was shown that day...Now, although this is just a story that doesn't mean that similar situations don't happen every day that help to mold and potentially change the course someone's life or even the world.
That leads me to my next phrase, ignorance is bliss. Which basically means the less informed you are the happier you are. And although that may be true, you might be "happier" if you're not aware of all that is happening around you, but will you ever be fulfilled in life and what you're doing with your life; will you ever find your purpose? What if you ignored that mother and her son and just continued to mindlessly scroll on your phone while she is forced to put what might be considered the least essential of the essential items she has, back one by one until her balance is a number she can afford. The butterfly effect that could have, because her son never saw the kindness a total stranger showed them could completely alter the way he views the world and would subsequently change all those who's live would have been changed by her son's kindness (also, The Butterfly Effect is an amazing movie, it's a must see).
Another topic I wanted to highlight relating to this one is people who take photos or videos of their "kindness"...this in almost every way gives me the ick because why would one feel the need to show others their kindness if for no other reason than to receive praise from their viewers for doing something so "kind" and "generous" when in all reality it was done for popularity, follows and likes on social media. On the other hand are they inspiring others to be kind? I don't know to be honest (if you have opinions on this I'd be interested to hear them)... I think what I would truly want to know is, are they kind when there's no camera around (the camera keeps them in Gizmo form but camera off?? Gremlins everywhere....).
the "kinfluencers" ("kind" influencers) in front of and behind the camera
To be frank, don't know all the answers (hell, I don't know most of the answers) but I do know that I want to be more fulfilled in my own life. I want to make a difference. It sounds like the most cliché thing I've ever heard myself say (or I guess type) but it's true. I hope as a nurse I'm able to have made a difference in the lives of my patients but I also want to make a difference in the lives of others as well. The last thing I want to do is be lying on my death bed with regrets...I feel like there is more that I'm meant to do in life and maybe there is and maybe there isn't, maybe the every day kindness I show to others is my difference and I won't know it until I'm on the other side...until then, I'll keep searching for my difference and I'll keep the kindness flowing.
Morals of today's story:
Willful ignorance/willful blindness is fucking stupid, don't do it (I'm talking to myself here too)
BOLO for your difference, it's out there somewhere
Kindness costs nothing
Spend your dash wisely.
Ignorance may be bliss but knowledge is power, power to make a change in the world and in the lives of others.
Pay it forward even if you can't see where it will go
Just because your story is short doesn't mean your legacy of kindness won't be long
"Kinfluencers" = 😖
A single drop of kindness can cause ripples far beyond what we can see, but will be seen by others far beyond
Thanks for reading. Follow along and grow with me.
-CJ
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