Stuff, Things & Belongings

Recently one of my grandma's friends passed away. She was about 2 weeks away from celebrating her 95th birthday. Her husband had passed years before and they didn't have any children so one of her only living relatives, her niece, now has the daunting task of going through her house and selling or throwing out the belongings she left behind.

Ruth's house is quite large and filled to the brim with just about anything you can think of. Vintage collectable dishes, old instruction manuals, newspapers (FROM THE 60's!), even furniture that belonged to her mother and grandmother. Let that sink in, her mother's and grandmother's furniture is likely well over 100 years old. That's just if it was new when they got it, but what if it was handed down from their mother or grandmother. It could be MUCH older. (could you imagine, "this is my great grandtable, she's kinds of a birch. And over there is my great great grandclock. The old geezer's still ticking somehow.")

Now I understand that Ruth grew up poor, was brought up during the great depression, lived through two world wars and many others. Nanny did too. Collecting was just something their generation did. So I get it, back then there was a reason to hang on to everything "just in case".

I listen to him too, you know Justin Case. He's sneaky and very convincing. He say's anxiously, "What if you want to use that lotion that you never use?! You know the one that's been hanging out in the back of your bathroom cabinet for three years? Don't get rid of that!", and so you quickly put the lotion back, all the while feeling guilty about how poorly your "clean up and clean out" is going. He reminds me of the "Fear" emotion from the movie "Inside Out" (it's super cute and sad, you should watch it). But that's all he is, fear. Fear of the unknown that if you let something go, you might need it again.

(fear is the purple one if you can't tell)

The same can be said for the "what ifs" in life. In my case it's what if I leave him (my ex) and he was my person? what if I go back to school and fail again? What if I get up and sing in front of all these people and they laugh at me or judge me? What if I put this outfit on and it accentuates all the features I find unflattering? But you know what. I did it any way.

I left my ex. I was unhappy for years and having to make the decision just about broke me (I don't like to make decisions [something that I still struggle doing today], but I realized that not making one is, in fact, still a decision. It's just a decision made by avoidance) but I did it. Of course we were traveling for his work in Louisiana (about 13 hours from my home in Georgia) and an hour after I left, I got a flat tire. I was like, "God what are you trying to tell me right now?? Are you telling me to go back or are you testing me??". Well, I got my tire fixed and I kept going home.

I went back to school and as stressful at that whole process was, I graduated and am now a Registered Nurse. Make no mistake, I am still stressed but I get paid to be stressed now so it makes it a little more worthwhile, plus I'm basically wearing pajamas 24/7, so yea. Helping people, yes I'm also helping people, can't forget that.

I did get up in front of people (on multiple occasions) and sang, and you know what not one person laughed at me or judged me (at least not outwardly or to my face and for that I am grateful 😅). I'm able to sing without any help now (depending on the size of the crowd) but I definitely required a shot (or three) of liquid courage before I got on stage when I first started singing karaoke.

And I did wear that outfit that accentuated all the "wrong", "unflattering" features and I still managed to look at myself in the mirror and think, "Damn, I look pretty fuckin' good". I may feel like a busted can of biscuits on most day when I squeeze into my jeans but who doesn't like biscuits?! A crazy person that's who!...Just call me butter, 'cause I'm on a roll.

Anyway...

I'm still plagued by "what ifs". They're different but their goal is the same, instilling fear and trying to get me to doubt myself. Some days the "what ifs" win and some days they lose. The same goes for Justin Case (see what I did there? We're almost back full circle folks).

I remember a few years after I moved back home I decided to get rid of the clothes I'd been hauling around that I could no longer wear, you know "just in case" I lost weight and fit into them again. Y'all those were clothes I wore in high school. Ridiculous...

For me personally I believe a lot of my reluctance to get rid of things stems from having lost my mother when I was 13. Loss in general though can make you hold on to stuff. The loss of a person isn't something that you can control, but "stuff" that you can control. Hell, you can keep as much as you want till your house rivals that of a hoarders and unless your house is deemed uninhabitable, you can keep adding to it. Whether it's your own belongings or those of a loved one long gone, it can be difficult to part ways with your "stuff".

I've found listening to TheMinimalists.com podcast helps me when I'm wanting to declutter. Granted it's been a while since I've listened and I haven't gotten around to doing their 30-day minimalism game but I love their podcast. Give 'em a listen.

Back in 2019 or 2020 I went through and got rid of some (not all) of my mom's stuff (she passed in 2004). I felt a lot of anxiety doing it and like I said there is still some clothes and other things that I have packed away and until I'm mentally prepared to part with it I won't physically be able to part with it...

Your destination has arrived...we're back where we started y'all...

I think loss did play into Ruth's reluctance to get rid of her stuff, whether it be the loss of her mother, or her husband but more for her I believe it had to do with how she was raised and the generation in which she grew up in. Whether generational or loss related, Ruth's belongings had a hold on her that I don't think she ever realized. I believe we should all be mindful of the stuff we let in our life and the things we allow to hold us captive.

The morals of this post are:

• eat the sweets before the celebration

• you can't take it with you when you go, so stop holding on to it

• keep what is truly important to you

• fuck Justin Case, don't listen to him

• what if it all worked out?

• for the love of God get rid of the instruction manuals unless you ABSOLUTELY NEED THEM

• save the trees, invest in a digital news paper

• donate that 1000 year old furniture and those old clothes

• Don't let your material possessions possess you

• Get rid of the lotion. No. Don't, don't put it back in the cabinet. That's right, throw it away. Good job.

• one conversation with me is equivalent to a sloth traveling a mile, up and down hills, around many curves, in the mud. It's slow, messy and all over the place. 10/10 don't recommend. 😅

Thanks for reading. Follow along and grow with me...

-CJ